confessions of a Dangermouse mind

In the line for Pink's Hot Dog items, my friend and I got into one of those "life and the aches of living" talks that make my braintank empty in sloppy gushes.

Right as I hand-waved and head-nodded my way into the Awkward Suit (need a visual? Imagine me chew-talking and doing a special electric-slide dance while using the counter as a launchpad for little jumps. Topped off with this thing I do with my hand where it looks like I'm cupping a Wiffle ball), I...oh hello again, sorry for the massive elliptical trainer there...anyways, to recap, as I babbled a lot to my friend's face, a girl behind us suddenly descended in a slo-mo faceplant.

The velvet rope and pole did a nice cave-in on top of her skinny thighs, and for a second she looked a little like a pale paper airplane with a huge paperclip-and-rubberband slingshot pinning her to the street. Like a pile of secret things from your school desk, the stuff you hide under your Health for Happiness book.

In her sweet-thang running shorts and (now crooked) visor, all pigeon-toed on the grey asphalty squares, she could've been a nice girl taking a nice, impromptu...public...nap. My next thought was, "Is she a faker?", which was echoed out loud by a lady standing in front of me, so I felt less guilty.

Then 12 Samaritans flew into action like ants getting skizzy on a picnic bratwurst. Water bottles were passed from hand to hand; many necks craned. A man who claimed to be a "medical professional" (who had 2 shitted-up chili dogs in his fat hands...and don't doctors take a Hypocratic Oath?) offered his services (re: he wanted to french her face), but the girl was now standing, dotted with sidewalk schmutz and 100% coltish again, re-arranging her yellow, loopy braids and smiling in that "fuck, I just looked so stupid" way that only teen girls can.

She hobbled off. The line shared a meaningful group gaze and resumed chat on cue, and I fully forgot the point of the Big Thing I'd been holding that invisible Wiffle ball for.

Kinda like right now.

fell on 2003-01-25 at 6:32 p.m.

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