snot locker

I'm so sick of reading the indulgent, ham-fisted snarls of blog babies and their repetitive, buttcake analogies to do with baddy Bush, electioneering, the war, etc. that...I'm going to play along, too. In 8 minutes or less, no less, just to see if this brittle line of puntastic eyeroll is as easy as I think it is. On this morning-of-debate, I realized that the national defense and snot have a few things in common:

* the physiological function of snot (pardon, phlegm) is to keep foreign intruders from entering the sovereign body. What it -actually- does on a day-to-day basis is clog everything up, embarrass you when it appears for no reason, and run all over the place, likely where it's not wanted at all.

* when you cry, you produce more snot. When our country suddenly gets a case of the sensitive "Papa USA is here to help your backwards, rickety land" vapors, out come the soldiers.

* terrorism warning colors = yellow, green, orange, red. Same with snot. And when you see red snot, your knee-jerk reaction is that something superbad is going down. But sometimes it's just a dumb bloody nose.

See? SO, easy. I expect a call of inquiry from whatever publication fits the "Reader's Digest for the slightly-liberal" bill post-haste, obviously. Or the Laffy Taffy Joke Department (Adult Division).

fell on 2004-09-30 at 10:08 a.m.

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