stick it in yer...

In lockstep with adding to a (pretty short) mental list of things that are irrefutably, indisputably unhateable (see: pizza, rainbows, Anne Frank...and yeah, I know the Nazis beg to differ, but they've got more begging for forgiveness to do before I listen. Der Nazi Joke!), I also like to think about objects whose utility differs from the reason for their creation.

The best go-to example of this phenom is the Q-Tip: yes, people do buy them to daub on Desitin and fix crooked eyeliner, but many more use these cotton dumbbells to clean their ears. Look at them...that's what they're for. However, the little mom 'n' pop manufacturing outfit Unilever once issued a statement on every box that essentially said you should never, ever put them near your dirty brain portholes. Ridiculous.

Here are a few other object-related truisms:

* marbles look like they were made to go in your mouth, marblemouth.
* no one under 28 owns a shoehorn...in fact, doesn't using one just mean your shoes don't fit so hot? Why do I feel like these may be obsolete soon?
* everyone wishes they could throw a paper airplane well.
* guest soaps are designed to be just small and awkward enough to be very hard to hold/prone to slipping out of hands, which increases the likelihood of embarrassing bathroom accidents and unwanted visitors leaving early under a cloud of shame. That's why only vindictive grandmas have those insane, tiny seashell and snowball-looking ones.

fell on 2005-10-05 at 4:31 p.m.

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