shake the disease gumball machine

Real reading reader, me. Been reading more than is normally my normal, and I can feel myself in the reader role. I see my eyes decompressing blocks of words and herding them from the holding-pen page into my head. I'm watching my eyes do this.

And I've been having frowny overlaps of thought while I read...threads pop up on top of the string of a story all natural and braid themselves in. But they are distracting. I will be reading (lately) about a boy's sensing the "gravity of a moment; the infinite movement within himself" and as I bring this book-moment inside me, I am also thinking how nice a phrase it is to read, just in the sound of it; how authors like to talk about the gravity of things because the mention of gravity has a lot of gravity; how describing "the mass of a thought" and "the infinite gesture of time" and all that are tropes. They're phrases as certain and repeated and everywhere as gravity, but almost as there-but-not as it as well. Thingless things.

This somehow all made me realize that I've been getting 7 and maybe giving 4. I'm starting to value some people not for what they do with me, but for how much they leave me alone, to my own devices, in my cubby. And how this relieves and practically excites me, and almost endears them to me. 'Fine, forgetful friends...thank-you for the breathing space,' I think.

This should probably stop.

fell on 2001-04-24 at 2:26 a.m.

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